Inedited formative course for women

prepared by the join of the Sociology Department and the Psychology Department of the University of Malcho

An opportunity to take: To develope the cerebral function of the modern woman


Pedagogic goal of the diploma

to initialize women to the fascinating experience of the use of the brain

Compulsory conditions for the admission

existence of at least one guardian of masculine sex, subject to approval,

without whom the teachings lose all the pedagogic efficacy.

Such a presence is necessary for a good assimilation of the acquired knowledges

Program

the teaching is subdivided in 5 parts

Duration

dark haired: 1 month and a half each part of the course

red haired: 3 months each part of the course

blondes: 6 months each part of the course (possibility of continued formation)

Part 1: To want to use one's own brain

1. to accept one's destiny: you were born women. Heels just fake being at the height of the man

2. to know one's natural habitat: the kitchen and the house (but some limitations on the bathroom)

3. to learn to tidy up one's bag (guided exercises)

4. to learn to shop within less than 4 hours. Elementary notions

5. to establish some limits: to talk. 1st lesson (to learn to keep silence)

6. to establish some limits: to talk. 2nd lesson (to learn to avoid empty speeches)

7. to establish some limits: to talk. 3rd lesson (to learn to keep secrets)

8. to establish some limits: to talk. 4th lesson (to learn to avoid gossips)

9. to establish some limits: to talk. 5th lesson (a test of the previous 4 lessons all together). Come on! You can do it!

10. cerebral detoxification: to stop watching soap operas

11. to learn to go to the bathroom alone

12. basic programming: the utilization of the micro-wave oven

13. advanced programming (only for dark and red haired): the video tape-recorder

Part 2: To drive

1. the car: a one-variable equation

2. what do you have to do when you are sitting in the car? Dynamical analysis

3. parking 1: geometry of the space (elementary notions)

4. parking 2: manoeuvrings to park

5. the accelerator and the brake: a real challenge

6. the gear: complete instructions (only automatic gear for blondes)

7. the adequate utilization of the direction indicators

8. optics: red, yellow and green trafic-light (practical exercise)

9. advanced geometry: to park in the garage

10. the tool case: a system of several-variables equations

11. survival 1: where the emergency stop-lights are

12. survival 2: change a wheel

13. survival 3: check the oil level and the water level

Part 3: Life in 2

1. vocabulary 1: definition of the word "yes". Dynamical analysis

2. vocabulary 2: definition of the expression "5 minutes". Static analysis. Guided exercises (come with a sleeping-bag for these exercises)

3. vocabulary 3: definition of the word "nothing". Attempts at understanding its correct use

4. PMS (Pre-Menstrual Syndrome). It's your problem! Don't irritate who is next to you

5. civics and morals: to accept the sport discussions amongst men

6. to avoid superfluos questions like "Do I look fat?" or "Do you notice anything different about me?" or "What are you thinking?" or "Do you love me?"

7. sincerity 1: even you fart. Experimentation. Dynamics of group

8. sincerity 2: even you have nose droppings. To blow one's nose before eating

9. sincerity 3: to depilate oneself more (option for dark haired especially)

10. shopping 1: the credit card. Definition of the expression "limited credit"

11. shopping 2: you can bring the shopping bag too

12. why your mother is not welcome at home (1000 incidents brought as an example)

13. the phenomenon of the time: to have supper ready at supper time

Part 4: Life in 2 - Continuation

1. to learn to not be sexually fulfilled just knowing that he wants to have sex with you

2. don't make him guess

3. crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect him to like it

4. mark anniversaries on a calendar

5. why you too would not like a moody person

6. nothing says "I love you" like sex in the morning

7. go to the bathroom before going to bed

8. pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. He's bound to miss sometimes

9. if you don't look like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect him to act like soap opera guys

10. let him ogle. If he doesn't look at other women, how can he know how pretty you are?

11. don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to be listened to

12. don't always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap him into feeling guilty

13. don't pretend he is ready to make love whenever you want (you have not got all the sexual power on "your sex-machine")

Part 5: To face up to reality

1. telephone: when to hang up. Dynamic of group: group of 4 women each speaking (avoid to be late on that day)

2. female metamorphosis by means of make-up. Pictures, commented projections

3. to understand that "The Bold and The Beautiful" is a soap opera. It is a fiction. It is not real. It does not exist.

4. you and your body. The gravitation law

5. to accept oneself as one is: mirrors never lie

6. if you ask a question you don't want an answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear

7. ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work

8. you have clothes enough for being ok in any situation

9. you have too many shoes

10. a headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

11. don't need to feel like there are people worse off than they are

12. sexual equality implies financial sexual equality

13. to accept beeing wrong: apologizing is not only man's responsability